My story!

Getting right to the chase, my name is Saffron! I'm currently sixteen years old and go by they/them pronouns.

My backstory is long and complicated, so sit back, grab a zero-calorie drink, and enjoy! First of all, you need to know that I suffer from an eating disorder, and chasing my Ultimate Goal Weight ( 85 lbs, 38.5 kgs).

I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa at the age of fourteen, and my highest ever weight was nearly 200lbs, at the age of 12-13. Being only 5'3, that meant that my BMI at that point was 35.4, which is nearly 6 points over the obesity level of BMI (30.)

At age 13 I began purging, and fasting, quickly losing nearly 80 lbs, dropping down to 120lbs. Side note: Nowadays I do not purge, after having an extremely close call with choking I am scared to purge. I now do binge-fasting, or binge-laxatives, however, I am hoping to lean more towards restricting & fasting.

However, taking it back to when I was eleven, I had been in a very toxic and abusive household and began to self-harm at the age of early 12-ish. My family, like many others, wasn't a place that children should have been exposed to. My father was physically abusive towards me and my two older sisters, and both my mother and my father were emotionally and verbally abusive. Our mom would constantly call us fat/obese and would make fun of our appearance.

My older sister, the middle child, began abusing me around 2015, constantly beating me and threatening to kill me, on some occasions coming uncomfortably close to doing so. I remember being pushed against my kitchen counter with a sharp knife to my throat, or another occasion where she would stab me over five times with a screwdriver, breaking skin (though fortunately not going too deep.) I feared for my life for years, until finally our parents divorced and she went to live with my father, while I lived with my mother.

I had intense suicidal thoughts and first attempted my life at age 14, ending up in the psych ward 3 different times. I was put on Wellbutrin (after Prozac proved to heighten my suicidal tendencies, the medicine changing after I attempted to jump out of a car going 80 mph on the highway.)

Then quarantine happened, not only did my self-harm and suicidal thoughts return, but they came back even worse than before. I attempted my life again on October 8th, 2020, and ended right back into the psych ward. During quarantine, I hadn't lost any weight, and after my suicide attempt, I gained nearly 40 lbs! I told myself that I was going to die anyway, so I might as well not work on losing weight.

And so, returned to nearly 160lbs, I am working to get down to my UGW of 85lbs. Losing almost 85lbs will undoubtedly take a while, but I am determined to make it happen. It's not if I get down to my UGW, it's when!

So, join me during my journey, perhaps we can get down to our UGW's together!